 Problem Child

My child has too many friends, PARTNER.
 Doesn't that help you get promoted, PARTNER?
 And my child's grades are too good, huh?
 Unlike the parent.

She's always playing in the yard, in her room.
 Doesn't that make you feel like a good parent, PARTNER?
 I'm always playing in the trap, in the rough.
 I'm always playing in the trees, in the lake.

Maybe I sang to her too much when she was an infant.
 You certainly are loving, PARTNER.
 Maybe you shank too much as an adult.
 If music be the food of golf, play on.

I should have bought her a bookcase instead of a train set.
 She'll be great at military school, PARTNER.
 Quit whining and start golfing.
 Her uniform is better than your golf game.
 You should have bet the $1000 tuition on golf, loser.
 
 